Saturday, June 25, 2011

My children's future and other thoughts...

As C. and I drove through CT earlier this week she turned to me and said "Yay! We're legal again." It is a running "joke" between us each year as we return to MA. Our MA (and even our TX) friends wonder what the heck we were thinking moving to TX where we could not enjoy the benefits of having our marriage legally recognized. We don't have a very good answer to that beyond the call to return "home" and be closer to my family (who isn't too keen on same sex marriage anyway but who, for the most part, loves and supports our family.)

My mother won't ever talk about it although this past year she acknowledged the significance of our relationship by giving C. a birthday card in which she wrote to C. that she "know(s) how much you mean to my daughter and how happy you make her. I also know you are the best thing that every happened to her." And later this year for mother's day she sent both of us a sappy card where she added and "s" to the word "daughter" and wrote how much she values everything we do for her.  As a regular church-goer who has great faith in both her God and her religion, I know she must struggle with this. She has never said the "M-word" about our relationship and she probably never will. I also know she loves us and supports us and was outraged when we told her we had a very hefty tax burden this year due to the feds not recognize our marriage. (Long story. Pain in the b*tt.)

It has been raining in MA since we arrived so except for attending the Ind*go G*rls concert Thursday night we have stayed in. It's given us a chance to settle in as we take over our friend's home (which was also our old home) for the next month and a half. As I was unpacking and sorting through clothes we left here last summer Pollito came across one of Corazon's dresses from last summer. He asked to try it on.

He has recently been very focused on wearing dresses although he has always leaned towards things society deems as "girls' things." His current favorite color is pink, he loves to play house and with his baby dolls, he talks about his "husband." He regularly shares dreams of wearing dresses and bathing suits. A couple of weeks ago he asked me quite seriously if I would let him wear a dress "in the house, not outside." When I said I would he beamed. He then explained that he would not want to wear it outside because boys don't wear dresses and other people don't like to see boys wearing dresses. The he asked, with what seemed to be a hopeful tone, if maybe he was wrong and boys did wear dresses. I explained him that most boys do not wear dresses but some do. He was happy and said he was excited to wear one. I promptly let go of that conversation because it is one of many we have had. Since he was three he has claimed that when he grows up he is going to be a girl. Lately that has changed to him wanting to be a boy who sometimes wears "girls' clothes" and to having a husband when he grows up if he doesn't live with me FOREVER!

So when he asked to try on the dress I said "Sure!" and passed it to him. He was so excited to wear it that he had to show everyone and kept it on for the bulk of the afternoon. He also wanted to paint his fingernails and toenails to match his dress. We did all that and he was beaming. In fact I haven't seen him this happy is a really long time. He is still only six years old and who knows what will come of this but yesterday I knew for sure that despite his desire to wear dresses giving me pause, there was no way I could say "no" to him and feel good about that. Especially not after seeing how happy it made him.

Late last night New York became the sixth state to legalize same-sex marriage. I stayed up to watch the coverage because it is important to me. Very important. This decision makes me happy. Very happy. It means that our country is one step closer to living up to its promise of equal protection and rights for all its citizens. It means one step closer to stopping the denial of 1138+ federal rights to our non-hetereosexual couples. I know this decision is controversial. I know that some people's personal beliefs are challenged. I know that many cannot reconcile same sex marriage with their religious conviction that only heterosexuality is "right" in the eyes of God. I know that when my children grow up, should one of them be gay or lesbian, I want them to be able to love whomever they want, marry who they wish to marry, and be protected by law wherever they may choose to live.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Our Summer Vacation Begins...

We have had a full couple of weeks as we prepared to travel back East for the next month and a half or so. C. had several business trips and ended up being away for the 4 days leading up to our departure. The kids were amazing. Despite the fact that Tortuga, Pollito and Corazon's behaviors were a bit erratic (due to the anticipation and anxiety of taking this trip), we pulled it off. We managed to get cat sitters lined up, mailbox keys to the right people, the van packed, the house closed down, and leave only an hour behind schedule after Milagro peed ALL the bedding on my bed that morning! I could NOT leave without washing those out so we had a more leisurely breakfast than planned and just waited for the laundry to finish. Although I did leave a load in the dryer which I am hoping to get someone who is checking on things to take out of there.

Once we departed we drove to Dallas to pick up C. who was wrapping up some work. Our hope was to head out for a couple of hours in order to make some headway. We have to be in Boston no later than the morning of the 23rd and we have many places and people we want to see.  The kids anxiety seemed to dissipate as soon as all of us were in the van and the past three days have been relatively smooth (I probably just jinxed myself.) We drove through Texas, Louisiana, Alabama and into Georgia and managed to visit some historical sites. My kids are still such "geeks" and they have a huge list of historical sites they want to visit. We studied civil war and civil rights this Spring so those are high on the agenda. They also have requested to visit colonial Williamsburg so we are doing our best to get there. They are having so much fun and I am especially proud of Tortuga who is working hard to keep it together. We even had a chance to visit a college we hope will make it onto at least one of the girls' list when the time is right...

The highlights of our trip thus far were a visit with two trauma moms who have daughters with RAD and getting to see Corazon's birth family. I have so much I want to say about both of those visits but I need to be up early tomorrow so it will have to wait until my next window to write.

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