Wednesday, March 31, 2010

There is always payback...

I am paying ROYALLY for leaving them for two days last week. I have two dysregulated, angry kids. Corazon isn't so bad to deal with--she's controlling, slow, and clingy. She won't let me get out of  her sight and if I do she's into something she shouldn't be. If I call her on it she just rolls her eyes at me. She refuses to do any schoolwork and I told her it was fine to take a break. Now she is begging to do schoolwork! Go figure!

Tortuga missed me terribly, He spent two days after I returned telling me at random times "I am so happy you are home." and "I really missed you." Of course he has also "forgotten" everything. Routines--can't remember them. Directions--can't follow them. Chores--can't do them. Multiplication? Addition? Manners?--what are those?  He is angry at me and showing it in a really passive aggressive way. Meanness, rudeness, yelling, forgetfulness, interruptions, breaking small "rules", constant chatter, etc. fill our days. I am aware of the fact that he has retreated to what is "comfortable" and familiar. As annoyed as I am by this relapse I am also heart-warmed by it. He is healing. He is testing. He is healing. These behaviors will pass. Right now I am doing what he needs me to do which is reestablish the safety and security he was experiencing before I went away. I am staying Calm, Collected, and Close by no matter what he does. We have also pulled things back and simplified his days. No unnecessary expectations, shopping, outings, etc. Focus on the schoolwork and one-on-one time. Limit his interactions with the other kids. We even went out without him this past weekend and left him with a babysitter. I know it sounds mean but it was exactly what he needed. We are giving him gentle reminders that we expect him to do certain things in order to spend time with the other kids and it is fine if he isn't ready to do this.

It's different this time around because I know he can get it together so I am not getting as stressed out about things. I am not saying I like it or I am enjoying it but I understand it and this too shall pass.


BT said...

Once you know that a regression is just a regression and your child/ren can get back to his/her/their former milestones, it really changes how you feel about and deal with the regression. I am finding them less troubling, less terrifying, and less energy-sapping. Not entirely stress-free! Not at all. But way less stressful than they once were.

M is bringing our boys home tomorrow from a week away, and I'm wondering what the fallout's going to be.

J. said...

yep, Bt said it first - make it easier now knowing that he will bet back to where he was.

Great that you were able to get away though, it is so important and important for the kids to learn that you are coming back.

GB's Mom said...

Realizing that "This, too, shall pass" is half the battle. Welcome back!

Lisa said...

Always payback. Never fails. It is different when you know it will pass.
Doesn't mean it's fun though.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Ok, I am not trying to be all Pollyanna, but I do have a similar way to look at it all.... I call it a refresher course in all the old behaviors that we have drummed out. Reminds us how far we have come!

marythemom said...

Mine didn't even appear to miss me! *sigh* Sometimes I think there is no way to win. Still, it was so worth it!

Plus, I've got enough material for at least a month of blog posts!

Hugs and prayers,

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