Last week I went to a K*th*rine Leslie workshop. It took a lot of planning to pull it off but I was so glad I did. Her presentation is still swirling around in my head and I will be trying to write down some of my thoughts soon. I knew this workshop would bring about some changes but I didn't anticipate how many. We didn't tell the kids I was leaving until that morning. Tortuga was sitting in the back of the van and he said "Mom, I don't think I can stand it."
Then he began to cry.
When they dropped me off at Mary's house (where we were meeting up with ldw and her mom) I reminded Milagro that I was leaving for a couple of days. She looked at me from her car seat and her eyes opened really wide. I could virtually see the emotions cross her face--surprise, shock, anxiety, fear and sadness. Then her tears started streaming down her face and she reached out for me and cried. I went to comfort her and took her out of her seat as she clung to me saying "I don't want you to go." It was almost heart-breaking to hold her there crying as she clung to me and stroked my face. C. took her and comforted her as I said goodbye to Corazon and Tortuga. Corazon looked like she was just shutting down and acted like everything was fine but I could tell she was fighting back tears. When it was Tortuga's turn, he dove into my arms practically knocking me down and just cried and cried and cried. He kept repeating "I can't do it. I can't do it." When I asked him what he meant he said "Be without you." I reassured him that he could as I ushered them back in the car. It took every ounce of self-control to not climb right back in there with them.
But I didn't and I am so glad I went. I needed that and I realized that they needed it too.