Friday, December 11, 2009

Finally better!

Me that is. Except for my throat being pretty raw I am back to my usual self. I think it is terrible that sometimes the only way we get a break is to get sick (and then it doesn't feel like much of a break.) It's the only time I get to ignore the daily kid drama and can generally trust that they are being kept safe. Milagro continued to be my lovely care-taker throughout my stint on the couch. She brought me popsicles, toys, books (which she "read" to me), tucked me in and seemed to take it upon herself to escort me to the bathroom anytime she caught me getting up. A few times I snuck past her but then was subjected to her banging on the door with a "you ok mom?" or a "need help?" It was absolutely priceless. We tried to keep her away since she had just gotten over her own bout with some bug and she complained that she "missed" me from the next room. So nice to be loved unconditionally.

Pollito was "worried" which was the first time I have noticed this from him. He asked each time he saw me if I was better and he announced that he wanted me to BE better NOW. He also was my self appointed "sleep-watcher" which meant he waited for me to fall asleep and then he would go and whisper loudly (he can't whisper to save his life!) to each person that I was sleeping and of course, wake me up in the process. Corazon wanted to be next to me the entire time (she is clearly my anxiously attached child) and acted up significantly the entire time. Tortuga (because we told him NOT to) wanted to give me a big hug and kiss each time he saw me. Gotta love ODD! He is testing and being tested mightily by all this holiday stuff but it is still better than last year.

Yesterday I was well enough to meet with Corazon's coaches at the gym. They want to move her up a level--more competitive, more practice time, more money--which is great. They don't want us to tell her because most of the girls on her level are NOT ready to move up and they want to announce the moves in another two weeks. She will be so very proud of herself and she has earned this. Her maturity and discipline is so clear. I continue to believe this saved our lives. For a kid so focused on control and controlling her body's functions gymnastics proved to be a very good way for her to channel her energy. I notice when she is most dysregulated she starts to practice beam and floor routines and it seems to calm her down. Anyone with an athletic RAD kid should look into some of these sports that require lots of physical and mental control/energy (ice skating, ballet and gymnastics for her.) We plan on getting a special dessert to celebrate this with her as soon as we know when it will be announced.

I was also well enough to run to my favorite (not) big store for essentials--cat litter, cat food, paper towels, etc--. I had to take all 4 kid and it did not go well for Tortuga in terms of his ability to control he hyperfocus and targetting of Corazon. We almost had a big scene right there in the store BUT he held it together. I was furious and proud at the same time which I didn't know was possible! I got us out of there before we finished our trip and waited until we got home to deal with it. I told him how well he did and how far he had come and he took responsibility. It was great. He was pretty down the rest of the evening and didn't eat much for dinner and a part of me thinks he was sad and just sitting with it. We have been trying to work on teaching him about "sitting" with anger, sadness, and loneliness without needing to lash out. I will try to find out what was going on when we talk more today.

So this is life right now. Holding steady with escalating craziness but it's to be expected. This is our life.


Lee said...

That is so cool about Corazon moving up in gymnastics. Hope your healing continues; sounds like you were really under the weather and that the kids did surprisingly well with it, all things considered.

BT said...

Yay! Congrats to Corazon. It is going to be so fun when she finds out.

And congrats to Tortuga for keeping things together better and better. I love your idea of teaching "sitting" with one's more difficult feelings. I probably need to practice that more myself. Maybe there is a way to model this more explicitly in our household!

Sounds like you did a bit of good modelling as you waited until you were home to deal with Tortuga's shopping antics. Great job!

Like you, I did not realize that proud and furious were simultaneously possible.

Glad you're feeling better.

Dia por Dia said...

Lee & BT--Thank you. Yes, Corazon will be very proud!

BT--Neither did I about feeling furious and proud. I am standing in the middle of W*lm*rt, a small crowd is gathering, I have all 4 kids, he is rubbing his hands on his face, head and nose, squinting his eyes at me, ready to start foaming (but NOT) and I am thinking WOW I can't believe he is doing this while at the same time aware of the restraint he is showing. I moved in really close to him with my hand on his shoulder and said to him that he needed to calm himself no matter how mad he was and he DID IT!

We did a lot of "teaching" of feelings with Tatiana and then teaching her to "sit" with the feelings. With him it has become imperative because otherwise every feeling becomes anger. We are even able to get him in the middle of anger sometimes to say "you are not really angry you are disappointed!" and he gives us an opening to name the feeling and reasons and we can see tears and the demeanor shifts just enough...then we comfort...then we tell him to "sit" with it for a few minutes. It seems to be helping.

Hartley said...

My congrats to Torgua (and you for getting him there!) too!

I experienced a similar thing with my son about a year ago at my hubby's company picnic. When we were leaving, Gabriel got to that moment where I KNOW he is going to lose it, like daggers and tears are coming out of his eyes and he is clentched and turning red. I looked at him and said, "I know you are going to lose it, but it would be great if you could just hold on until we get to the car and away from all of these people." And you know what? He did. It was awesome. Just postponing the crazy (until we were out of sight/earshot) was a huge step in self control. Glad to hear that Torgua is making progress!

Gald you're feeling better,

ldw said...

The word verification word looming at me below this comment post is: SUCKS. Seriously! Somehow that made me totally laugh!! Sums up how I have been feeling lately!

So glad you are feeling better and so sorry that I have neglected you! Wonderful news with the kids' progress! I am seeing more to be proud about in M lately. I make sure to point it out and then I laugh later that if an outsider would have watched that, they would think I am crazy at being so proud. Progress is progress though and no one but us knows how bad it "used to be". Love you guys!

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