Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Healing is hard

We have had some really good and bad days with Tortuga over the past month. This week is particularly challenging. I can see how hard he is working both to control himself and to work himself up. That is the tension for him. It has resulted in RAD-h*ll for us here at a time when C. had to travel for work all week. That probably is contributing to his disregulation since today in the middle of one of his meltdowns he screamed "I can run away easy because Mama's not here!" He also screamed that he wanted to go live in foster care, that I should call the police because they would arrest me for being a bad mother, that he hated me and he meant it this time, and of course, the all-time favorite that I should leave him alone! I am sure part of what is going on for him is also the great time he had on Sunday. It usually happens after a really good time. He is so much more comfortable being "miserable." It is more familiar. I am trying to look for the healing that I know is going on here and remembering that his rages are few and far between and have mostly been replaced by shorter meltdowns. I will write more about this later when I am ready.

In the meantime, I guest blogged for the first time today over at Life in the Grateful House. Lisa asked me and I couldn't say no. My daughter Corazon will be posting over there today and I think I will do one more post on her blog on Friday.

2 comments:

Christine said...

We are dealing with the EXACT same thing with Mar! Had a very positive conversation yesterday about positive choices. But ohhhhh, the stealing and sneaking and then admitting to the sneaking and stealing but not saying WHERE things are hidden (games, games, games!).

She did so great all weekend, and then just went hay-wire.

She's "benched" right now - out at a picnic table.

*sigh*

BT said...

Oh boy, so sorry it's rough right now. I am reading a great book by Cogen (2008) called Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child (From the first Hours through the Teen Years). I think it is great as an adoption/connection/attachment referene regardless of whether you adopted domestically or internationally. Cogen talks about the idea of "inducement." It means that the child's behaviour induces the parent to experience the same feelings that the child is experiencing. I have found this concept so helpful. When I notice myself going nuts about our RADish's behaviour, I now try to stop to figure out what specific form of nuts I'm going and then try to remember that is what our RADish is feeling inside at the moment. It has given me a new degree of insight and ideas for tools I can pull out to deal in the moment.

Also, Brenda over at Living with RAD (let me know if you need link) has been posting lately on how she handles rages with her RADishes. I have found those posts helpful.

Poor Tortuga. His heart must really be hurting for him to be pulling out the stops and mentioning the ease with which he could run away. (But notice he hasn't yet. he he)

Hang in there. You are doing great.

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