Wednesday, April 8, 2009

She's driving us nuts!

Corazon is driving us nuts! She just refuses to do all the things she is supposed to do. She has lost 3 sets of pjs, 2 pairs of shoes, countless undies and socks, 2 shirts, 4 books, 9 pencils and half a dozen toys in the last week. My rule is that if they leave stuff in the wrong place or don't pick up after themselves they lose it. The funny thing is that she didn't ask about any of these items until tonight. I said they weren't mine so I didn't know. She started crying and carrying on that she knew I had hidden them. I sent her to calm herself down. She tried begging me to give her stuff back and I said I didn't have it. She started crying again.

Corazon has made significant progress over the past 4 years. Some days she even seems to be pretty close to being a normal little kid. We do have ongoing control issues about big and little things. She still makes sure she does something in the opposite order in which she is told or she will leave out critical details and pretend she "forgot." Sometimes she will try to argue that her way is better and she doesn't take responsibility when she messes about. A major issue we are working on right now is also her eavesdropping, interrupting and not minding her own business especially where I am concerned. If she sees C. and I talking about ANYTHING she cannot help but move herself into that area, interrupt us, or sneak up on us to hear what we are talking about. If she is with us and we ask each other a question she offers her opinion. If I call out to C. from another room, she assumes or pretends I am talking to her and even when corrected she tries to monopolize my time at that moment.

Recently she has started sneaking stuff to school, home from school, and/or upstairs to her room. She has started stealing food from the pantry. I saw the stealing as a need for attention and more cuddle time and offered it. I also increased our one-on-one time. It isn't enough and yesterday I found food wrappers in her closet. She had to do some writing (4 apology letters) over the weekend and she refused. She did everything BUT write those letters. I finally got her to tell my why it was taking so long for her to just do them (they should each take her 10-15 minutes tops) and she said she wished she did not have to do them. I was happy she could articulate that and we talked about how to prevent needing to do them in the future but I was clear she still had to write them. She begged, pleaded, negotiated and pouted. She cried and I told her it was OK to be sad but she had to take responsibility. She still just stood there biting her nails, playing with her feet, doodling, etc. Her 4 year old brother asked her if she was going to write her letter and she snarled at him that she wasn't. I haven't seen snarling from her in about a year and a half.

She is the most stubborn kid I have ever met although she met her match in that I am just about the most stubborn mom she could ever encounter. So if I am not careful we can butt heads badly. I think the Creator decided I deserved some of my own medicine when He put her in my life. I know RAD kids are stubborn but for this kid it's RAD + personality trait. Her birth family has it too which is one of the things that has made my relationship with her (birth) mother such a good one!

I spoke with her teacher and she is sneaking reading instead of doing her work and she is going onto the computer instead of doing her other assignments. She also is doing her best to NOT complete her morning chore correctly and she has been leaving things on the floor in common areas as she gets ready for school, wearing indoor slippers outside and vice versa, asking to use the bathroom and then 5 minutes later interrupting me to ask to use it again, using her little brother's toothpaste then claiming she forgot it wasn't hers--five days in a row!

She told the teacher we don't give her enough food for lunch (two sandwiches, 1 piece of fruit, 2 snacks) so she is begging the other kids for food. Then she came home and told me her teacher is concerned she isn't bringing enough food for lunch! She also told the teacher she was jealous of Tortuga and the attention he gets from me because it is always when I am doing something with her. He is demanding a great deal of attention so I think she is trying to get attention in the ways that he does. However, I NEVER stop doing something with one of the kids when another demands it. So, I know that I haven't stopped whatever I am doing with her to give him attention. I am not sure if she just feels that way or it is a ploy to get the teacher's attention.

These are all behaviors that (I thought) we had virtually eliminated but they are back in full force. I can tell that she is in pain but she denies it. She is on the downward spiral and so far I haven't been able to help move her out of it. She seems to be hell-bent on staying in that miserable place. She won't talk about it. She won't change it. She is making herself and the rest of us miserable.

On a totally separate note: Milagro, my 1 1/2 year old, just came up to me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "love you." This was totally unprompted! I am off to tuck her in and make sure we do plenty of cuddling. I am taking no chances with attachment and this one!

2 comments:

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Oh I know this dance too well! That forcing herself into your direct contact no matter what is happening, argggh! Thankfully mine has not yet realized she can manipulate people at school. But she has always not eaten since she can remember, no matter when it was. You just hug up that little bean who is still little enough to cooperate!

Christine said...

Typing while listening to the shrill scream of my RADling in her room. Earlier it was "I hope you die" and "You said I can do whatever I want in my room - well, I aaaammmm ... I'm tearing up stuff ... but you won't call the therapist, cause you're CHICKEEEEEEEEN!"

Oh, how I understand. Just readin' some blogs and sippin' some coffee. Another day in RADland.

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